Whether you’re celebrating every one of the dozens of upcoming holidays in the next six weeks or whether you’re not celebrating any of them and just existing in a society that tends to live in a frenzy this time of year, you could probably use some distinct survival skills for the upcoming holidays. Maybe you’re a Christmas-fanatic who resembles St. Nick in spirit. Or, maybe your ancestors were forced from their homeland and now society celebrates the collective trauma and forces you to find thankfulness for it. Maybe you reverently mark December by candlelight, honoring the people of faith who fought for their temple back and experienced the miracle of light in the darkness. Maybe you’re simply trying to survive 5pm sunsets and a mother-in-law who demands your family’s constant attention for the entire month of December. Wherever you land on the holiday scale, know that you’re not alone and I’ve actually assembled some survival skills just for you.
First, these survival skills are not anecdotal - I too am a human with demanding family members and religious trauma so this time of year has fluctuated from being incredibly magical for me at times to incredibly painful other years. About a decade ago, I experienced my first bout of depression right in time for Christmas. I felt as though my life was falling apart at the time and was struggling to find any solace anywhere. I have a distinct memory of riding the B32 (IYKYK) through Brooklyn with silent tears running down my face. Joni Mitchell’s River came on my iPod (whew, really dating myself here) and I’m pretty sure everyone on the bus was horrifyingly staring at me as I sobbed through the song on replay (I’ve always had a knack for the dramatic). So yeah, it’s safe to say that I’ve had to learn these survival skills the hard way.
You don’t owe anyone anything. You don’t owe your mom help in the kitchen and you don’t owe society a “happy holidays” post. And in fact, pushing yourself to show up for others in ways you can’t even show up for yourself will cause harm to your mental health. If you’re feeling obligated to show up for others in ways you’re incapable of, try this, “I’m learning how to say no even when I really want to say yes. Thank you for being a safe person to practice that with. We will join the festivities as much as we find it manageable to do so.” Or, my personal favorite this year, “We realized we normally over-spend this time of year so this year we’re having fun buying second hand meaningful gifts and won’t be expecting extravagance from others.” Another personal favorite I’ve used in years past is, “given the current state of the American religious system, we don’t feel comfortable attending services this year. We would love to meet you for dinner afterwards.”
Aim for survival, not thriving. There is constant pressure to be the family with the matching PJ’s or the aunt with the perfect gift or the employee with the unlimited availability. You simply cannot do it all for everyone and probably shouldn’t even try if it’s going to lead to total burnout (spoiler alert: it normally does). Look for ways to survive the chaos, not engage in it. Maybe that means going for a walk when Uncle Joe brings up politics AGAIN. Maybe it means you only show for part of the day and spend the rest of your day off getting some rest. People pleasing your way through this season will only grow your own resentment while you’re teaching others to expect impossible standards from you. Survive for now, you can thrive when the sun sets at a decent time again.
Mindset is most of the battle. You simply cannot control how others are going to respond to your boundaries. This means that the only control you really have is yourself. I like to remind myself of this when my sweet toddler has had extra treats, skipped his nap, and is now staying up late in an overstimulating environment - I simply cannot control his response to these stressors. I can, however, control how I manage his less than ideal responses to the chaos. The same goes for your family members, your boss, and your in-laws. You cannot make them understand your point of view or your boundaries, but you can hold the boundary anyway. You can say, “I’m not expecting you to understand, but thank you for trusting me to know my own limits anyway.” You can even say that with a smile on your face! Here’s the thing, if you’re going to disappoint others either way, you might as well please yourself.
In the spirit of modeling what I preach, I am taking some considerable time off at the end of 2026 and the start of 2027 as I prepare to birth my second baby the week of Christmas. In the upcoming months, you’ll notice some changes to Rooted’s presence in your inbox. We have planned ahead to have some content available through the new year. And, luckily, I have built an incredible team of people around me who are taking the reins while I survive sustaining a little life.
Know that while I, Joni, may not be as present, Rooted is still here for you. We have three clinicians who would love to meet with you and others on the back-end keeping the business running. I look forward to greeting you all again in the new year after we’ve all survived the chaos of the holiday season.